Amber Grubenmann

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How To Get HIM To Ask YOU Out

attraction dating podcast Jan 19, 2020

Many people believe that the way you get someone to ask you out is by being HOT.


I used to believe this as well especially when I would witness my beautiful friends getting approached by men when we would go out together.


As I started learning more about dating dynamics, I learned that there were certain things I could do to increase my chances of getting asked out by attractive men.


Now before we get started, one point I want to make is that I KNOW these results are based on what I am doing because as soon as I stop doing them (once I am in a relationship) men STOP approaching me. It’s as easy as turning it on or off.


Let me give you some examples of how I “turn it on.”


One day I went salsa dancing. I started to dance with a man there and he then asked me if I would like to go surfing sometime. Why did he ask me that? Because I led the conversation in a way to bring up fun things I like to do in my free time and things I would like to try. We spoke about his hobbies and I showed enthusiasm and interest in them. This gave him a very easy and natural opportunity to invite me to join and do one of those activities with him.


It may not seem like it, but men are just as afraid of rejection as you are. Showing this kind of enthusiasm helped bridge the gap for him and gives him the green light to ask you out.


The higher the risk of rejection, the lower the chance of him asking you out.


Another time there was an (extremely) attractive man at my work. This is an example of an environment where the man feels more resistant to flirting or asking you out because he wants to remain professional. We need to give him a clear green light signal.


So what did I do? Every once in a while when I passed him at work I would touch his arm when saying hi and smile.


Now listen, please don’t overdo this. An arm touch is all it takes to ignite the attraction and signals in a man’s brain. No need for intimate back rubs and thigh grazes at work!


After a few days, he asked me to go for a drink!


I hear you saying “Okay Amber, but I am not always in an environment where I can wait for days or weeks!”


I totally get it. Here is what I did in that situation:


At one of my jobs, attractive men would pass me every day for only a few seconds. In those cases, I would engage in some small talk with them and then go big and by saying “Hey my friends and I have get-togethers often and I would love to invite you sometime to join. Would you be up for that?”


Since I was being so bold and upfront in the first 5 seconds I tried to soften my approach by inviting them to a group activity first. After we exchanged numbers and started texting they would end up asking to meet me one on one for a date. Most men would prefer a date over a “group hang” because they don’t want to get friend-zoned!


Tired of waiting for him to ask you out? Check out this article about how you can ask him out (without coming across as needy!)


Remember, men want to ask you out, they are just waiting for the green light.





By the way, this article is based on episode #58 How To Get HIM To Ask YOU Out on the Women's Dating And Confidence Podcast. You can listen to it here: 


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