I used to be an anxious wreck in dating.
I would get so incredibly anxious about men and whether or not they were going to reject me that my stomach would be in knots, I would lose my appetite completely, and actually have feelings of depression and despair.
I would lose all motivation to pursue what was meaningful to me in my life. I could not bring myself to go to the gym, hang out with friends, or dedicate myself at work. Even if I did show up to those activities, I had no energy to spare.
Logically, I knew that there are “plenty of fish in the sea.” I knew a man not texting me back for 6 hours wasn’t a life-threatening situation. But it was as if my body and mind were completely out of my control. My mind would overthink and my body would react as if I were under attack.
The smallest action or inaction from the man I was dating could trigger such shame, insecurity, anxiety, and despair.
The worst part was that I felt utterly humiliated about the fact that a person I hardly knew had such an impact on my emotional and physical state. How is it possible that a person I met only a week ago has this much power me?
I tried several methods to avoid and break free of this anxiety when it would come up:
First, I would try to convince myself that I don’t like him anyways and he’s an asshole.
Second, I would try to get into a relationship with him as quickly as possible so I could skip the whole part where I’m not sure whether or not he is into me.
Third, I would hide it from him and use game-playing tactics to try and veil my insecurities. He didn’t respond for 2 hours? FINE, I won’t respond for 4. That will show him how chill and unattached I am!
Fourth, it eventually became so painful that I dated people I wasn’t really attracted to and didn’t feel a connection with, just because it felt safe.
ALL OF THIS FELT TERRIBLE. THIS WAS NO WAY TO LIVE MY LIFE!
I did search for solutions. I read books and participated in coaching programs mostly geared towards how to attract men. I wanted to know the secrets that would make me rejection proof. I wanted to know exactly who to be, what to do and say, so I could finally stop feeling anxious in this area of my life. I thought if I had more control over whether or not men were into me I would have more control over my internal emotional state as well.
I learned the tricks and they worked! I was finally getting past date #1. Men were showing more interest. I even got into a relationship.
The anxiety was just getting started. Not only did I feel completely anxious during the dating process, the anxiety only got worse the more I liked someone. Once I was in the relationship it started to show up as the fear of them breaking up with me or leaving me for someone else. I would be extremely sensitive if they showed any hint of interest in another woman. Jealousy began to bubble up and I felt completely out of control. Even when I was with someone who truly loved me and cared for me, I thought my life would be easier if I just broke up with them so I could stop being afraid of them leaving.
It was at this point that I felt completely hopeless because it felt like the anxiety would never go away. The anxiety was ruining my life.
Thankfully I didn’t settle and I kept searching for solutions. I read book after book, went to seminars, and faced my worst insecurities head on. Every time the anxiety came up was another opportunity to heal.
One day I looked at my phone and saw that the man I was crazy about hadn’t texted me back in 7 hours. I sat there and had a realization: I don’t feel anxious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was the exact situation that would have triggered massive anxiety a few years ago.
More situations came up and I noticed as time went by and I continued using these powerful coaching tools the anxiety melted away.
Without the anxiety I was FREE to dedicate energy to all areas of life that mattered to me.
I became more attractive to men because I wasn’t desperate, needy, and scared.
I enjoyed the process of dating and had 1000% more fun.
I finally felt a sense of control over my mind, body, and emotions.
I could experience the love of a man fully because I wasn’t afraid of letting it in. In the past, I could never fully let myself be loved because I was so afraid he would take it away at any moment.
If you have felt anxious in dating for a long time it can feel like there is no solution especially if you have already tried other things like reading books, listening to podcasts, or even therapy. I promise you, this isn’t all there is to dating and life!
Since my own transformation, I have helped women just like you finally overcome anxiety so they can truly experience love and freedom in their life. I started out working with Dr. Aziz Gazipura at The Center For Social Confidence and eventually created my own business around women’s dating and confidence.
I have found the main reason why I am able to help people overcome anxiety in dating is that I have been through it myself and I only teach what works. Not what "should work" according to a book.
I believe my purpose on earth is to help you find a sense of security and love within yourself that isn’t dependent on the behavior of the person you are dating. I’m here to help you believe that it’s possible to date without anxiety and to guide you start to finish in creating that transformation. My mission is to help you let your guard down so you can truly experience love.
Thanks for reading!