Amber Grubenmann

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Why Is It So Hard to Make Plans With Him?

Uncategorized May 10, 2023

This topic was inspired by a conversation I had with a client, but it will probably sound very familiar to you.

My client had connected with a guy and he said to her, “Hey I’m going to be in town. Would you like to meet up?”

She agreed to meet up, but then he said, “Actually I can’t, but we should hang out sometime.”

Then he kept texting her and asked to hang out and she said ok, but then he didn’t respond.

We’ve all been through this.

People tell me their version of this story and ask me what is up with this person?

I want to share with you a new way to think about planning.

In my coaching program, I teach my clients the two basic prerequisites for creating a connection with someone: easy planning and easy communication.

You shouldn’t be going crazy trying to decipher text messages or grapple with this person to get plans on the books.

If either one of the two basics is really difficult, it’s not a connection worth pursuing.

When we have this issue with making plans with somebody, we often think of it as a logistical issue.

If we are dating someone who is not being helpful in the planning process, we think maybe I just need to clearly communicate that I want to hang out or that I'm free on this day.

Instead of thinking about planning as a logistical issue, think of it as an emotional skills issue.

Creating plans with somebody is about emotional intelligence and emotional maturity.

When you think about making plans with someone, you think about the other person’s experience.

You consider the other person and what’s going on in their life in addition to yours.

You think about the connection that you want to share and how to make it happen.

Those are all emotional skills.

Try not to make the other person’s planning challenges about you.

If someone is difficult to make plans with, you think that it must be because you’re not attractive or interesting enough.

But even if they did lose interest, letting you know that would still be a reflection of their current level of emotional maturity, emotional availability, and emotional intelligence.

If they had a high level of those qualities, they would just tell you that instead of doing a slow fade.

If you’re looking for an emotionally available, intelligent, and mature partner, easy planning is a great filter.


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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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