Amber Grubenmann

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Trying Again After Heartbreak

Uncategorized Oct 18, 2022

Let’s talk about dating again after you’ve been hurt.

I know this is really hard.

First thing’s first, you want to make sure you give yourself the time that you need to heal.

This looks different for different people.

Going through a break up is sometimes like being in a physical accident.

Asking the question, “When should I date again?” is like being in the hospital with broken bones after a car accident and asking, “When can I run again?”

You’re forcing yourself to do things that your body is just not ready for.

Sometimes we think we should be able to change the way we think overnight, but we genuinely need time to heal emotionally. Be patient with the healing process.

The same way that your body knows how to heal an injury, your soul knows how to heal an emotional wound.

You are always healing, you naturally heal, you can trust yourself to heal. You don’t have to be afraid of getting hurt because you have the power to heal from anything that happens.

However, giving yourself time to heal doesn’t mean it’s an entirely passive process.

Sometimes when we have a break up there are specific thoughts or lessons that we picked up, and if we don’t address them they continue to hurt us again and again.

This might include thoughts like “I wasn’t good enough for him,” or “I’ll never find somebody like that again.”

With coaching, we can look at those thoughts and take the thorns out of your side.

If you’ve been hurting for a long time and you feel like you’re not healing naturally, it’s probably because that conscious work has been missing. There are probably still some of those thorns in your side. You have a story about yourself or the world or other people that is still causing pain.

Once you are ready to get back out there one thing that can come up is your fear of getting hurt again.

Over the years of working with people, one mindset that I have developed is my belief in your resiliency.

That’s really important to me because when I’m working with you, I can’t be scared of you getting hurt. I don’t want to see you as a fragile person who can’t recover from challenges or disappointments.

I see you as someone who is resilient and can handle these things.

I want you to see yourself that way as well. You can take a tumble.

Going through a break up and coming out the other side even happier than you were to begin with gives you a sense of confidence and empowerment in dating.

Sometimes when we think about getting back out there we are already thinking about our next break up. We are summarizing the entire relationship are thinking, “I can’t do all of that again.”

You’re not walking into that. All you’re doing is going to sit at a table, and there’s going to be a cup with some liquid in it, and you’re going to talk to a person.

Just focus on one step at a time.


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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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