Amber Grubenmann

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Three Levels of Meeting Men in Person

Uncategorized Nov 15, 2022

Are you feeling ready get back out there and meet men in person?

I've heard a lot of women say, “I'm sick of online dating.”

They delete the apps and think that is all they need to do to meet someone in person.

But deleting the apps doesn't automatically open the door for all the men who are waiting to ask you out, right?

It takes a different kind of energy, focus, and concentration to meet men in person.

There are three levels of meeting men in person. The first is the cold approach.

This is where you’re in a situation where it would be unusual for two strangers to talk to each other.

Other than being in the same place, you have nothing else that's really connecting you.

For example, you're at a bar and you see somebody across the room, or you're on the train and someone catches your attention.

 What I've found works best in those situations is the line, “I just saw you and I wanted to say hi.” (Not “I thought you were so handsome, will you go on a date with me?”)

Or you can pick something from the environment to engage about and see if they are open to talking to you.

This is not something that you would want to base your entire strategy on, but it's a good skill to have in your back pocket for when you do notice somebody and feel that spark.

The cold approach is by far the most difficult way to meet people in person. It takes a lot of courage to act when you see somebody that you're interested in, and it can take some practice to get it right.

You just have to remember to not wait until the nervousness or anxiety goes away.

Then we have the warm approach, which is meeting people in situations where it's not unusual for you to connect with strangers.

This could be, for example, a dance class. You go to the next partner, you hold hands, and you introduce yourselves. It would be weirder for you to not talk to this person at all.

Other examples would be going to a meet up, joining a hiking group, or signing up for any activity where there's a common purpose that brings you together.

This is the level where you want to base your strategy because it is the one that you have the most control over.

You can plan your weekend around meeting new people and going to places where you'll have repeated interactions.

It still requires courage to connect with people, see if they're open to you, and give some signals that you're interested romantically.

The third level is the hot level.

This is usually what people have in mind. It could be an introduction from friends or someone setting you up.

You end up dating somebody who you have a strong connection with or strong referral for already.

This is the easiest way to meet a partner, but it's also the way that you have the least control over.

You might tell your friends, “Hey, if you know anybody, I’d love to meet them.”

That's pretty much the extent of what we can do at this level, and the rest is kind of just luck.

This is also the level that requires the least courage.

The cold approach and the warm approach require more courage, and the reward is much higher because you have an immediate emotional investment.  

Because it took courage from both of you, there is already an experience that solidifies the start of the connection.

Plus you have a fun story.

I hope you keep that in mind as you think about creating your strategy for meeting men in person.


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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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