On episode 193 of my podcast I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Lindsay Kite, co-author of the book More Than a Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament.
We discussed the topic of body image and dating. Here are just a few takeaways from our conversation.
1. You don’t have to change your body or appearance to be worthy of love.
There is a myth in our culture that if we perfect our bodies, our lives will finally be good. Our bodies seem like projects to work on and improve.
But in reality, people of all shapes and sizes have really great lives.
Moreover, people have physical preferences that are all over the map.
There’s a percentage of guys who only want women who look one certain way. Those aren’t the guys who you would have a long-lasting, meaningful connection with.
No matter what your weight is, there’s a group of people who are attracted to you. If you go up or down in weight, that group might change, but you are worthy of love exactly the way you are.
2. Show up in the body you currently have, using recent, unedited photos on dating apps.
Hiding how you look integrates in your mind the idea that there’s something wrong with you.
If you use old or edited photos, you might doubt that a guy would really be into you when you meet up. It makes first dates more nerve-racking.
Notice if you have the habit of blaming your body for the challenges you face in dating.
It’s better to push yourself to get out there, knowing that what you bring to a relationship is so much more than your physical appearance.
3. There’s not a direct correlation between looking good and feeling great about your body.
It’s really hard to feel sexy if you’re worried about what your partner thinks about how you look.
You might find yourself imagining what he’s thinking about your appearance.
Of course, it's natural to want to be attractive to the people you care about.
But what makes you sexy is feeling sexual energy within yourself.
What we want is to enjoy the experience we are having, instead of wondering if someone else is enjoying looking at us.
As Dr. Kite said in our interview, “Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good, it’s knowing your body is good, regardless how it looks.”
Follow Drs. Lindsay and Lexie Kite on Instagram: @beauty_redefined
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