Amber Grubenmann

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Making Your Own Luck in Dating

Uncategorized Oct 18, 2022

Sometimes we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to other people. For example, maybe you know someone who met a guy at a bar, had a one-night stand, got pregnant immediately, and now they’ve been happily married for ten years.

You might think “What’s the point? I'm doing the right things and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. It’s just luck.”

That kind of thinking doesn’t serve us.

In dating, there are actions we can take to get into a zone of higher probability of getting what we want.

Let’s say you want to get rained on. If you go to the desert, maybe sometimes it rains there but there’s a lower probability of that happening.

In Portland it doesn’t rain all the time, but if you stay here long enough you will get rained on.

What a lot of people do in dating is the equivalent of coming to Portland on a sunny day, and then going home and thinking, “I went there. There was no rain. I guess that doesn’t work.”

That’s why staying in the land of probability is important.

In dating, we get excited, and we try some things out, and we don’t immediately meet our person. We think, “I tried it. I put myself out there, and I didn’t meet anybody.” We take a break and try to muster our energy again later.

It might be true that you did the right things, but you were a visitor in the land of probability instead of living there.

You took a weekend trip to Portland instead of moving here.

Trust that if you stay in Portland long enough you will get rained on. If you show up to dating in a certain way long enough you will meet somebody and you will create an exclusive relationship.

Do your habits increase your energy and contact with opportunities, or do they cause you to turn inwards and be less in touch with the world around you?

We don’t know for sure in dating what specific action will be the key. That’s why the little 1% shifts matter and add up.

It’s about who you’re being in the world and how you interact with people.

What if I wear my best outfit every day instead of dressing like a slouch? I’d turn up the probability just a little bit because I’d feel better. I’m glowing more, I feel good about myself. I’m noticing other people and I make eye contact. I might be more likely to talk to somebody.

What if instead of working from home I work at a co-working space? What if I make it a point to talk to one new person there every day? Now I start seeing people around the office and having little conversations.

What if I host a get together with new people including (but not limited to) that one cute guy at the office?

What if I try a new class and see who I meet there?

What if I volunteer and started to feel my heart grow full, and meet some really kind people? What if I treat everybody with kindness because you never know who is connected with who?

This is about living an expanded life. Part of the luck and opportunity that comes back to you is dating related, but it will be so much more than that.

Your vision board will come to life when you are living in this land of probability, and you will make your own luck in dating.

It’s not about going out and finding the guy and making it happen, it’s about pursuing the next thing in front of you that interests you, and making decisions around dating that give your connections the best chance of blossoming.

Being single can be about having experiences worth having.

One time it’s going to rain on you and it’s going to be your person.


Want to go From Dating To Exclusive? Make sure you get on the waitlist for the next program. Click here to learn more. 

This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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