Is His Behavior Your Fault?

On my podcast you usually hear me talking about how to change your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions in order to create the results you want in dating.

If you’re reading this you’re probably already a person who takes responsibility for your own life.

However, in dating we interact with a lot of people – sometimes total strangers – and we have no idea what's in store for us.

I want to give you some questions to ask yourself to make dating less painful if someone doesn’t treat you well.

The solution doesn’t have to be changing something about yourself. And it’s not that you need to be funnier, prettier, sexier, more interesting, more available, or anything else.

The way other people treat you is not about you. It is about them. 

These questions will start to create some distance between yourself and the other person’s behavior.

- Can you control their behavior (i.e. make them text you back, make plans, or be more affectionate)? If you could, you would have already.

- What does this person's behavior tell you about their relationship with themself?

- What is their level of awareness about what they’re doing?

- What does their behavior show about their values?

- Is it possible that somebody else in the same exact situation would act differently? How would somebody else potentially react or handle the situation?

- What is your connection like with this person in general? Is their behavior about the quality of the connection you two have? Are you really compatible?   

- Is this person right for the position that you want them to be in? Do they meet the requirements for a relationship with you at this time?

- Is it possible that there are other circumstances in this person's life that are influencing their actions? Are there other things that factor in including other relationships, work, stress, health, job, finances, etc.?

- Even if you did or said the wrong thing, what would the person’s response look like if they happened to be capable of complete awareness, kindness, and respect?

We're not always capable of that, but the other person's behavior does reflect the level of awareness, kindness, and respect that they're capable of in that moment.

- Lastly, is this person currently telling me who they are, and am I listening?

Sometimes people are communicating to us what they're ready for and how they show up in connections.

Sometimes we have to take a step back and really listen to somebody's behavior and words towards us.

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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.