Amber Grubenmann

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How To Process Hurts & Heartbreak 10x Faster

Uncategorized Dec 13, 2022

About two years ago I really put my mind to creating good friendships here in Portland.

I pushed myself to be super social in order to overcome social anxiety and feel more connected with people, and it has paid off big time.

I had a tough week last week, and although I had already made a bunch of plans with friends I didn’t feel like going out.

But I knew I always feel better when I see people, so I went to these different meetings and a few things happened.

One, I had fun. Two, I was distracted from what I was thinking about.

And three, I talked about my challenges and every person offered something helpful.

It wasn’t necessarily that they were all giving me advice, but they were reframing, reinterpreting, and giving me alternative perspectives.

I felt like my emotional recovery was ten times faster than it would have been two years earlier.

When you share your challenges with other people, the recovery time seems to be much faster because they help you bear the load a little bit more.

It got me thinking about my social life and how much more resilient we are when we have positive influences in our lives – not just friends but also mentors and teachers.

These people are the empathetic witnesses who encourage you to keep going.

I think it’s important to have this both personally and in less involved ways.

For example, having friends is not a substitute for having a therapist, and having a therapist is not a substitute for having friends.

It was funny to see the different perspectives of my friends.

One person was helping me be a little more realistic.

One person was snarky and sarcastic.

Another person was 100% empathy and validation.

Another person was joking about it, another person gave a bit of advice.

We need all these different kinds of support in our life.

And we also need some of the more neutral perspectives from people who are not so close to us.

A lot of people have shared that when they joined From Dating to Exclusive, it felt more productive to meet people who are on a similar path of growth.

What is the future that you want to create? Do you have people who support you in getting there? Do you have people who can help you get through your obstacles and challenges?

Especially in dating, things hit us harder than they need to when we’re not processing our experiences with people who really have the capacity to be empathetic witnesses.

It’s also worth asking yourself, am I an empathetic witness when someone opens up to me?

Am I able to be there in that discomfort for a little while with that person?

Am I being compassionate and giving them a perspective that is helpful?

You can both become a more empathetic witness and also allow other people in your life the opportunity to be empathetic witnesses to you.


Want to go From Dating To Exclusive? Make sure you get on the waitlist for the next program. Click here to learn more. 

This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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