Amber Grubenmann

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Fun, Easy Relationships

Uncategorized Nov 15, 2022

In 2018 I did a coaching session with my Aunty Tonya.

She had been single for a long time and wanted to meet her soulmate.

When she thought about what he would be like, she imagined he would be kind, attentive, sensitive, generous, good looking, and respectful, and he would adore her.

Throughout the dating process for the next five years, she decided to stick to her high standards and stop investing time and energy into men who were not able to meet those standards.

The dating process became more fun when she started simply asking herself whether she’d like to go on a second date with the men she met.

Today, at age 52, she is married to a man who has all of the qualities she was looking for.

She met him online, and although she didn’t think on the first date he was someone she would marry, she did want to go on a second date with him.

They laughed and connected throughout their first date. It was just easy.

They began to form a really solid foundation.

It was clear he was the type of person who could be a lifelong friend.

After about two weeks of talking every day, Tonya knew this was her person.

When I visited them, I observed some of the reasons they have a happy marriage.

I noticed that he contributes to the household and helps with taking care of Tonya’s mom who lives with them.

They always speak kindly and respectfully to each other.

They laugh together, have fun, and flirt. They are truly partners.

Tonya describes being married as “exceedingly abundantly above anything I could have asked for.”

However, because she had been single for a long time, it took some adjustment to become more attentive to her husband’s needs. She has had to learn how to be more flexible with her time.

Like any relationship, she told me, marriage takes effort but with the right person it doesn’t feel like hard work.


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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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