Amber Grubenmann

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Do Men Really Want Relationships?

Uncategorized Dec 13, 2022

When clients join my coaching program, I try to instill in them my triad of dating beliefs: men want relationships, specifically with you because you’re awesome, and relationships are amazing.

The reason why it’s important to decide what we want to believe is because it influences the way that we show up in dating, and ultimately over time what we create.

Otherwise, when you meet somebody you like and they say that they don’t want commitment, you’ll end compromising and settling for a situationship because what’s the point anyway? You’ll date that person for an extended period of time because you don’t actually think it gets better than that.

Last week one of my clients asked, “How can I believe that men want relationships when that hasn’t been my experience whatsoever? In my experience, pretty much all the men I go on dates with don’t want a relationship.”

If believing that men want relationships feels so far out, you can actually just drop that belief. Don’t really think about that for now.

Focus on the other parts of the belief triad: relationships are amazing, and you specifically are an amazing person to have a relationship with.

Once you have bolstered those two beliefs, then we want to start working on believing that men want relationships.

But we don’t want to try to go from 0 to 100 with this belief.

Instead, grow that belief one percent by one percent.

Find the part of you that believes a thought like “some men want relationships,” or “I know one man who wants a relationship.”

Start to seek evidence of that more flexible belief that there are some men out there who do want relationships.

We aren’t doing this just to feel delusionally happy.

Changing your belief a little bit to “some men want a relationship” would really change your experience of dating.

When you go on a few dates with a guy and he says, “I'm not really into a relationship right now, I don’t think it’s that phase of my life,” then you have a choice to continue dating other people or to let it go entirely.

You can let it go, and maybe the next few people won’t want a relationship either, but somebody somewhere at some point will want a relationship.

You can let go of casual relationships to find something that is more aligned with what you want.

That’s the impact of changing your mindset even a little bit.

Imagine what starts to happen when you’re believing 80, 90, or 100 percent that men do want relationships.


Want to go From Dating To Exclusive? Make sure you get on the waitlist for the next program. Click here to learn more. 

This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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