Amber Grubenmann

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Are you getting attached too quickly?

Uncategorized Mar 05, 2023

Have you ever been completely devastated by a connection that didn’t work out after just a few dates?

Do you worry that you get attached to people too quickly?

First, I want to say it’s normal to really, really like somebody.

It’s normal to want things to work out with a specific person.

It’s normal to wonder, do they like me back? Do they want to see me again?

It’s normal to feel like you actually put something on the line once you’ve met somebody you like.

When we date, we put our chips in – from date one.

We are taking an emotional risk and it’s normal to really want to win big.

Now that we have that established, let’s talk about when becoming attached quickly is disruptive.

Sometimes the risk we take feels a lot bigger.

It’s not that you just bet a few chips, you bet all your chips.

You might be intensely worried because if this doesn’t work out, you don’t know how you will move on.

You feel like you would lose all hope if things did not work out and you actively spend a lot of time ruminating about things going wrong.

You obsess over getting it right and trying to control the outcome.

This level of attachment is disruptive. It makes dating feel like a roller coaster.

If you feel like your attachment is disruptive, the first thing we want to do is look at your beliefs.

There are three core beliefs that will create a magnetic dating confidence mindset:

Do you believe that men want relationships in general?

Do you believe that you are lovable and worthy of a great relationship?

And do you believe that healthy relationships are the most extraordinary experience available to us?

If your belief in these areas is very low, you’ll likely feel super attached and anxious while dating.

You might be subconsciously hoping that you will meet somebody who proves your negative beliefs wrong.

And when things don’t work out you might feel like it confirms what you already knew.

On the other hand, if you build up these beliefs they will keep you resilient and level headed while dating.

You will think things like, “I’m a catch and somebody is bound to take me up on this offer very soon.”

The next thing that we want to look at is your habits, your actions, and your choices. This is where the entire curriculum of the From Dating to Exclusive program comes in.

We want to build that foundation of your mindset and your life outside of dating.

For example, are you choosing a specific kind of guy who is inconsistent and makes you feel more anxious?

Are you spending a ton of time ruminating and not actively engaged with your life, or are you making sure the other areas of your life are supporting you and nourishing you?

When all of these things come together, you can come back up to the normal experience of feeling excited about someone you like.

You won’t feel like dating is all or nothing.

It will feel like a part of your life that you can enjoy, including that little bit of anxiousness.


Want to go From Dating To Exclusive? Make sure you get on the waitlist for the next program. Click here to learn more. 

This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify


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