A lot of my clients complain about the flakiness of people on online dating apps.
There are some things you can do that will change your experience of online dating and also influence the behavior of other people you meet online.
First, swipe based on cute.
When we are online dating, we start to swipe and then get really picky. We start asking ourselves questions like “Am I compatible with this person?”
We start to look at all of the details before we’ve ever even exchanged a message with this person.
Is this person cute? If you met this person at a bar and they were so funny that you were snorting liquid out of your nose, would you think they were cute?
You can still have your deal breakers. I recommend you set them up in the app so you don’t even see people who don’t match you on important topics such as whether you want kids or not, distance, or religion.
When it comes to those other questions like am I attracted to them, would they fit in with my friends, or do we have things in common, you can’t expect to know any of that based on five pictures and 200 characters.
Don’t rule people out based on information that you don’t have about them yet.
If you're at a party and you see somebody who is cute, you just go talk to them without any other information.
You don’t try to figure out your compatibility before you have a conversation with them.
Online dating is just the thing that introduces us to people.
Next, move it from the robot connection (anything online) to a human-to-human connection (phone call, video date, or in-person date) as soon as possible.
If you are just chatting for a week with somebody, you’re going to start feeling exhausted and burnt out.
You will have wasted a bunch of time, and you won’t even have the information you need to know whether this is somebody you are compatible with.
The goal is to go on about one date per week, so if you swipe based on cute and then move it to a human-to-human to connection as soon as possible, you’re going to drum up a date pretty quickly. Then you can just stop online dating for that week.
Because who wants to spend their time just glued to their phone?
Then, once you match somebody, don’t check their profile again.
I can’t stress enough how important that is.
Let’s say you’re swiping, you’re seeing if they’re cute, and you match somebody.
Just message them and move it to the human-to-human connection. It can be a 15-minute video date.
Don’t go back to double check just how cute they are, because that habit causes us to start noticing little flaws.
When we check their profile five or six times, it leads to an inordinate amount of pickiness that we don’t usually have when we are connecting with people in person.
If you see somebody cute in person and you think their shoes are cool, you say “Hey, nice shoes.” You just connect.
And any human-to-human connection is going to be worth your time.
There’s no such thing as a wasting your time with another human being.
If you put your mindset in the right place, you will get something out of every single date. Maybe some dates just suck, but the majority of the time you will get interesting stories, laughter, or even just practice.
Swipe based on cute, move to a human-to-human connection quickly, and don’t go back to re-check their profile.
That way you won’t start getting really picky about things that don’t matter.
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This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.