Amber Grubenmann

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15 Ways to (Not) Create a Relationship

Uncategorized Mar 05, 2023

I was recently inspired by an interview with Alex Hormozie on The School of Greatness podcast.

The idea he discussed was about how we have more clarity thinking about how to not do something than how to do it. 

It’s easier to think about the steps to destroy a relationship than it is to list everything you know about creating a wonderful, lasting, extraordinary, passionate relationship.

Then you can think backwards and do the opposite of those things to create a beautiful relationship.

These are some of the ideas I came up with.

Fifteen ways to not create a relationship:  

  1. Stay home, don’t meet new people.
  2. Get comfortable with your circle of friends. Don’t add people to your circle, don’t seek out new people. Just be comfortable with the people you met in college or at work and don’t expand beyond that.
  3. Don’t be a great partner financially, emotionally, physically, or sexually.
  4. Be serious. Don’t smile, laugh, play, or flirt.
  5. Keep dating people who don’t have the five elements of relationship material.
  6. Rush things forward with the people you like. Try to answer every question about their past, their trauma, and their feelings within the first few weeks.
  7. Never clarify exclusivity or labels with the person you are dating.
  8. Don’t have uncomfortable, honest, or vulnerable conversations with the people you are dating.
  9. Complain about the people you date. Complain about men and how annoying they are, or about how women are all the same.
  10. Allow societal pressure to influence your dating decisions.
  11. Don’t ask them questions, wait for them to ask you questions.
  12. Date people who don’t ask you questions.
  13. Stop growing independently
  14. Solve loneliness with dating instead of friends.
  15. Focus on taking a ton of action without ever paying attention to your mindset and emotions.

Don’t do those things if you want to find somebody.

Instead, do the opposite.

So here are fifteen ways to create a relationship:

  1. Get out of your house, be around new people and talk to them.
  2. Always expand your friendship circle.
  3. Focus on being a great partner even if you don’t have one. Financially, emotionally, physically, and sexually.
  4. Be playful, lighten up, smile, joke, be flirty.
  5. Stop dating people when they don’t have all of the five elements.
  6. When you like somebody allow the connection to develop naturally and organically and take your time to check that all the five elements are there.
  7. Make sure you clarify that you are exclusive with somebody when you are ready to be and make sure labels follow after that.
  8. Be honest and vulnerable with the people you are dating.
  9. Don’t complain about the sex you are interested in.
  10. Do not allow societal pressure to influence your dating decisions.
  11. Ask a ton of questions, be endlessly curious about the people you are dating
  12. Allow yourself to be deeply known and loved by another person. Make sure the person is also curious about you.
  13. Keep growing independently even when you have met somebody that you like.
  14. Solve loneliness with friends
  15. Make sure that all of your actions come from an inspired mindset and emotion.

Do those things and you will create the wonderful, lasting, extraordinary, passionate relationship you want. 


Want to go From Dating To Exclusive? Make sure you get on the waitlist for the next program. Click here to learn more. 

This content was originally published on the Women's Dating and Confidence Podcast. Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify



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