Amber Grubenmann

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How To Keep Him Interested- Should You "Play Hard To Get"?

Uncategorized Aug 11, 2019

In this video I offer some practical tips for increasing desire and attraction once you started dating someone. Attract the guy you want in an authentic way.

Most women think that creating desire and attraction in the beginning of dating has to do with maintaining a chase. I don't really like this idea because it implies that you never actually get to be with the person! It sounds pretty exhausting to be constantly running away from the person you like. 

What I teach women instead is how important it is to be in alignment with the man you are dating. 

Most women lose the attraction of the man they are dating because they are out of alignment with him.

Here are some tips to maintain his interest without game playing:

1.) Meet him where he is at. 

You may have heard of the idea of a man investing in you and the relationship between you. It's very important to know what exactly constitutes an investment. 

There are different levels of investment.

The question you need to ask yourself is: How much thought, time or effort did he put into this?

If he is making small investments that is great! Just be sure that you recognize that and reciprocate on the same level. 

2.) Pace yourself.

The relationship and attraction will fall apart if you invest too much but also if you invest too little! 

That's the big mistake women make. They think the more I ignore him, the more he will feel attracted to me. 

In reality, if you want to create something REAL, both people need to make an equal investment. 

Now here is the other important thing to remember: pace yourself. 

Sometimes we get so excited about someone that we just want to bombard them with our love. Nothing wrong with that feeling, but it's important to balance it with the knowledge that the relationship may not be ready for it yet. 

Think about it this way: When you plant tree seed, at first it is just developing and can only handle a certain amount of water. It needs water to grow, but if you water it too much it will drown or topple over. The good news is: if you pace yourself, and only give the tree the water it can handle, eventually it will grow so big that you can guzzle it will water all day long!

The same is true in relationships: the investment from you needs to feel earned. His capacity to receive love from you will expand over time if you are a good match and you pace yourself. 

I know you want to express yourself and love him up! But if you really care about the relationship, be patient and pace yourself. 

3.) Attract him authentically.

Remember: this is not something we are doing just in the beginning to attract him. We always need to stay tuned and go with the flow of the relationship. 

Sometimes one of you needs some more space, sometimes you need more connection. This process ebbs and flows throughout your entire journey together, that's why it's such an important skill to learn!

This is also not a game we are playing to manipulate someone. This is about being in tune with the other person and staying in sync, the same way you would in a beautiful partner dance. 

4.) You can make the first move!

Give a little and see how he responds. That's all making the first move really means. 

5.) Connection is just as important as space.

In the beginning stages of dating and attraction you may feel the urge to spend a lot of time with the other person.

This is amazing! AND- it's very important to understand that half of attraction happens in the space between connection. 

It happens when he is hanging out with his friends and the thought crosses his mind: "I wish she were here right now."

It happens when you are in the car and a love song comes on and you can't help but think of the person. 

It happens when he is talking to his friends about you.

Make sure you actively CREATE space for this to happen.

Thanks for watching/ reading! 

Love, 

Amber

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